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First Published in PERSONAL SUCCESS Magazine - February 1994

NLP: TIP OF THE MONTH

RAPPORT - The Magic Ingredient - Part 2

by
Penny Tompkins and James Lawley
  NLP Consultants to Business and Individuals

"You don't want customers...you want RAVING FANS!!!" Anthony Robbins

One of our students at City University had been trying to change jobs for a few years.  After learning some basic rapport skills such as mirroring and matching, and using these at interviews, he was at last  successful in landing a brilliant position in The City.  In practising her rapport skills in interview situations, another student  has become a television presenter.

Anthony Robbins is a master of rapport's matching and mirroring skills.  These skills have become so natural he does not even need to think about  'doing' them.  They are automatic.  And I believe he used these exact skills in his two-hour audience with Princess Diana on his recent visit to England!

"Personal Success" readers are also taking advantage of NLP tips and exercises and learning new and powerful communication skills, and are changing their lives for the better as a result.

What about you?  Are you ready to try something new and make those changes now?

MIRRORING

In last month's issue, Rapport - The Magic Ingediant - Part 1, we introduced mirroring.  Mirroring is physically 'copying' the behaviour of another person, as if reflecting their movements back to them.  This is done with respect and subtlety.  At an unconscious level the person with whom you are communicating in this way feels acknowledged and appreciates your interest in them.  You are pacing that person's experience, and although they may be unaware of your mirroring, it will still have a profound effect.

Mirroring done with integrity and respect creates positive feelings and responses in you and others. Otherwise, mirroring becomes mimicry and has negative consequences. So as you learn the following additional rapport skills, remember the powerful effect you create must be based on honourable values and principles.

MATCHING

One basic difference between mirroring and matching is timing. While mirroring is simultaneous with the other person's movements, matching can sometimes have a 'time delay' factor to it. For example, if someone is gesturing while talking and making a point, you can be still and attending. When it is your turn to speak, you can make your comments and your point using the same, or similar gestures.

There are other types of matching: You will find you hear and observe other people in more detail as you learn these basic rapport skills. Paying attention to others in this way is a process of building trust, and the more elegantly you mirror, match and cross-over match, the more your customers will turn into "raving fans."

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

When speaking to family members or business colleagues, find a specific behaviour or movement to focus on and match or cross-over match. You might select one behaviour per day to practice until you can build a whole repertoire of rapport skills.

You might:
And feel free to create your own cross-over matching techniques! Also remember to practice mismatching, but be sure to end the interaction in a state of rapport.

COMPULSIVE MATCHING AND MIRRORING

Some people feel they just have to match and mirror.

A young woman who matched and mirrored constantly was sitting across from a colleague who was tired of being mimicked. The colleague slid down in his chair, and of course she did the same. Then the colleague slid down even farther. She did the same. Finally, one slide too many, and the woman literally fell on the floor! Her colleague, conscious of his mirroring, remained in his chair.

RAPPORT

Notice the difference these rapport skills will have in your life. Whether the context is flirting, interviewing, selling, or being granted an audience with a princess, you can make the choice to improve your communication skills using NLP. Next month we introduce you to "I See, Hear and Feel What You Mean: Representational Systems."



Penny Tompkins and James Lawley
can be contacted through:

The Developing Company
E-mail: metaphor@cleanlanguage.co.uk

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