Article from www.cleanlanguage.co.uk

First presented at The Developing Group 9 May 2015

 Getting to ’It’: First Words – First Questions

James Lawleyand Penny Tompkins


We spent many an hour with David Grove modelling how he “mused” on the first words out of his clients' mouths (and even what happened before these words – but that’s another topic). Later, while training people new to Symbolic Modelling, James and I noticed that the value of the session can depend on the direction set by the facilitator’s first few questions.

We all use the same clean questions, but experienced symbolic modellers can facilitate a client to get somewhere significant more frequently than novices. How do they do that?

They ‘decode’ the embedded information in a client’s first words, and are guided by the information these words reveal. They notice ‘how’ as well as ‘what’ the client is responding – and employ a ‘trial and feedback’ heuristic as the session unfolds.

The topic for the May 9th Developing Group will be how we can develop our skills to model a client's first words so that our first questions can be of maximum benefit to them. This ability goes by various metaphors, e.g. ‘getting to it’; ‘sorting the signal from the noise’; and ‘having a high hit rate’.

The context for the day will be coaching/therapy, but of course the skills from the day can be applied by managers, colleagues, parents, etc etc!

Please bring along any of your client's first words or a transcript of the beginning of one of your sessions.

We have touched on this topic a number of times but not with quite the same frame as we will use on Saturday. As preparation, any or all of the following articles will prove useful. If you only have time to read one we would recommend the first one about musing.

Generalised model for modelling symbolically with extended example:
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/22/1/A-Model-of-Musing-The-Message-in-a-Metaphor/

Background reading about the construct "start":
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/219/1/Ends-and-Beginnings/

General review of "it".
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/234/1/Attending-to-Salience/

The Problem - Remedy - Outcome model:
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/31/1/Coaching-for-PROs/

Has a worked example:
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/6/1/Symbolic-Modelling-and-the-Emergence-of-Background-Knowledge/

A description of the PPRC model and how it can be used for modelling:
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/190/1/Paying-attention-to-what-theyre-paying-attention-to/

Technical article about modelling embodied schema:
www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/245/1/Embodied-Schema-The-basis-of-Embodied-Cognition/

Example 1

Note: The facilitator’s repeating back of the client’s words have been left out of the transcript.


FACILITATOR
CLIENT
1 And what would you like to have happen?
I want to layout the problems and pick one. Maybe it’s wishful thinking that they are all connected.
2 And how many problems do you want to layout?
About four
3
And when you layout about four problems, where do you lay them out?
In front of me, there [sweeping gesture].
4
And where is the first problem?
[Points to left.]
5
And where’s the second problem?
[Points]
6
And the third problem?
[Points]
7
And the fourth?
[Points]
8
Are there anymore?
No.
9
Draw those problems as you have laid them out.
[Takes big sheet of paper and draws four shapes in different colours.]
10
Where are you drawn to?
That one [points to the first shape]
11
And now you have laid out those four problems, there, and picked that one, what would you like to have happen?
It doesn’t let me grow and I want to remake it into something safe that I can put on or take off as I need to.
12 And then what happens? Then I have energy .
13
And what kind of energy?
It will be warm and light.
14
And that’s warm, light energy, like what?   
Burning coal.


Example 2

Details in the following transcript have been changed to anonymise it. Comments from James.


TRANSCRIPT
COMMENT
F1 And what would you like to have happen?

C1
I find it amazingly hard to make a statement about what I would like. The minute I start talking about my relationship with my parents .… It’s like a swing. On one side there’s myself on the other my parents.  So the only way I can formulate an objective at this precise moment in time is to say, I’d like to know more about the my parents, myself and the swing.  Sorry I can’t do anything other than that right now.
I start out taking clients literally. The client stated that they found it extremely hard to make a statement of her objective. That puts me into a tricky and very interesting situation because I can’t use the usual PRO approach, since that would put the client into an “amazingly hard” problem.
3
And is there anything else?

C2
On this subject it’s extremely hard to make an objective without my mismatching it and changing it. It feels like a major... If I could have an objective I would almost feel as though I wouldn’t have an issue. Because half of it depends – it’s a relationship – so half of it depends on me and half depends on them. So the swing was a kind of satisfying place to start exploring – again and again – this relationship.
“If I could have an objective I would almost feel as though I wouldn’t have an issue". In other words, the inability to make an outcome statement is itself problematic, and that (conveniently?) may be preventing her finding a resolution.
F3
So the swing was a way of exploring the relationship, and it’s extremely hard to get a statement of what you would like to have happen, and if you had an objective you feel you wouldn’t have an issue. So when it is extremely hard and amazingly hard, is there anything else about that hard to make a statement of an objective?
The client in effect gives me permission to work with this problem (because she can’t state a desired outcome) and that’s why I pursued “hard to make a statement” rather than “parents, myself and the swing”
C3
Yes, hard because I say one thing and it doesn’t feel authentic. It doesn’t ring true to me.  And so I change it and I can’t find the words that resonate and ring true for me. I want them to be something, I want them to be something else, like there’s a void between what I want and what resonates as being truly true for me. That’s hard.
This suggest the two relationship metaphors are structurally similar: (i) “swing” with two “sides”; and (ii) “a void between what I want and what resonates”.
F4
That’s hard, that void between what you want and what resonates … [Yes]. And you can’t find the words that ring true … [No]. They don’t feel authentic … [No]. And so you change them … [Yeah].  And when there’s a void between what you want and what resonates, is there anything else about that void?
By recapping slowly I am keeping attention on a potential bind. By inviting the client to attend to and stay with their current relationship with their objective, I simultaneously:
 • acknowledge the newly appeared metaphor “void”,
 • and attend to the two sides of the void (by adjacency).
 • and I ‘a-void’ exploring the self-parents relationship which has previously been explored “again and again” resulting in a unproductive state: “the minute I start talking about my parents …”

C4
Sometimes it feels big. Sometimes it’s hopelessly imbalanced – if you can have a void that’s imbalanced. [Laughs] … I suppose I could say this. My parents will not be on this earth forever, I guess I want a relationship before they die, that will somehow satisfy me.  Maybe that’s a true statement.
The beginnings of a desired outcome and “maybe” a knowing what is “a true statement”.


Example 3

And what would you like to have happen?
CLIENT: I’d like to develop a stronger sense of who I am, what is of value in me to give to myself and those around me and the world I live in; what I can do to be happier day to day and not to feel so confused, puzzled a lot of the time about myself and people. I would like to be healthy and thrive.  I have had enough of struggle and lack of energy. I would like to do something I enjoy and am at peace with without further fear of illness and needing to rest everyday.  A job that I like and manage without getting stressed out. If I choose not to work, I do not want to feel guilty any more – that would be a bonus!
Using the P.R.O model we can separate the client’s first statements into:

Desired Outcomes
  • to develop a stronger sense of who I am,
  • [to develop] what is of value in me to give to myself and those around me and the world I live in
  • [to develop] what I can do to be happier day to day
  • to be healthy and thrive.
  • to do something I enjoy and am at peace with
  • [to have] a job that I like and manage without getting stressed out.

Proposed Remedies for Problems
  • not feel so confused, puzzled a lot of the time about myself and people
  • had enough of struggle and lack of energy.
  • without fear of illness and needing to rest everyday
  • without getting stressed out,
  • not feel guilty [about choosing not to work]

Italicized words indicate the proposed remedy to the perceived problem. 

end.



URL: http://www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/articles/articles/356/1/Getting-to-it/Page1.html


Penny and James are supervising neurolinguistic psychotherapists – registered with the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy since 1993 – coaches in business, certified NLP trainers, and founders of The Developing Company.

They have provided consultancy to organisations as diverse as GlaxoSmithKline, Yale University Child Study Center, NASA Goddard Space Center and the Findhorn Spiritual Community in Northern Scotland.


Their book,
Metaphors in Mind
was the first comprehensive guide to Symbolic Modelling using the Clean Language of David Grove. An annotated training DVD, A Strange and Strong Sensation demonstrates their work in a live session. They have published over 200 articles and blogs freely available on their website: cleanlanguage.co.uk
 

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